Sourdough is King

But Goat Cheese Tastes Like Goats Smell

There are some immutable truths when it comes to good bread, the kind that elevates the dining experience. It’s got to be soft, yet firm. A little crustiness is generally a good thing. It should be able to hold its own in the face of sturdy toppings. It should be prepared with time and intention so that the love that went into making it comes through in every bite. In other words, more often than not, it should be a sourdough.  

There are misconceptions about sourdough, namely that it’s always extremely tangy while being dense and chewy. These beliefs do not arise from being informed but from bigotry. There is diversity in sourdough with the only through-line being that sourdough starter, the naturally fermenting mixture of water and flour, is used in place of yeast.

Sourdough can come in the form of a loaf or a baguette. It can be made into rolls or pizza crust. It can be slathered with butter or dipped in oil. It can be sour or mild. It can be white or whole wheat. It can be dense or soft. It is the utility player of the bread world. To deny these truths is to give oneself to petty and pointless hatred for no other reason than sourdough’s greatness, its versatility and its health benefits.  

Even WebMD, a site that generally tricks people into thinking that every minor affliction is a rare and fatal disease, touts its benefits. The starter helps break down gluten, making it more digestible. It’s loaded with antioxidants that help with aging. Its molecules are shaped differently, making the body digest it more slowly, thus preventing spikes to your blood sugar levels. It’s an excellent source of calcium, potassium, magnesium, folate and niacin.

Despite all this, there are those who insist on deriding the king of breads while making insane comments such as, “It is impossible to make a decent sandwich with it. Any filling gets drowned within the dense heavy bread and unless you have the teeth and jawline of a hippopotamus you will be chewing for a week.” I’m sorry, but what? Has that writer only had sourdough prepared by someone who doesn’t know how to bake? It’s wonderful with smoked ham or genoa salami. One can also enjoy it with smoked ham and genoa salami. In neither case will you need to transmogrify your teeth and jawline into that of a hippopotamus to enjoy it nor will the flavors of the toppings get drowned.  

Not that the above writer is alone in her hatred of the delicacy. Typing “sourdough hate” into your search bar will yield results like “Fuck, and I Cannot Stress This Enough, Sourdough.” There is a Facebook group, albeit one that never took off, dedicated to breadism against sourdough. There are tweets about why sourdough is awful. It’s a good reminder that a downside of the internet is that it gives people with wholly incorrect opinions the ability to find one another. In a better world, they’d remain isolated and alone while assaulting a stuffed animal or imaginary friend with their weird rants.

Thankfully, though, given the prevalence of sourdough in the artisanal bread scene, it’s obvious that these unhinged views are a fringe position tantamount to believing the earth is flat or that goat cheese shouldn’t be eradicated from existence. As for me, I’ll stick with the classicists who remind us that sourdough is our ancient friend and that big baguettes are supreme. For as Sir Mix-a-Lot once opined, “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun.” While his paean was not to literal buns, I must agree, but only if we’re talking buns of the sourdough variety.